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Things I learned in prison

January 21, 2011

Yesterday was Armageddon. Today we have a problem.

– Stieg Larsson

On conflict:

  • You don’t have to win . . . but you do have to fight.
  • While the other guy is talking sh!t is usually the best time to punch him in the throat.
  • No one is going to step in and help you.
  • They aren’t going to help the other guy either.
  • F*ck with that big motherf*cker over there and he will rearrange your face.
  • F*ck with that little motherf*cker and he’ll stab you.


On working out:

  • If you have enough room to stand, you have enough room to workout.
  • If it’s not bolted to the floor it can be used as a weight.
  • If it is bolted to the floor it can still offer dynamic tension.


On chow:

  • You can eat it. You can digest it. You will probably even live through the digestion process. But you don’t have a name for that color of sh!t, and short of experiencing it, you cannot accurately describe that smell with only the English language to draw on.
  • Given a choice between the breast or the thigh, if you want the breast, ask for the breast. Referring to it as *white meat* will be viewed as a racist comment and you will be given the thigh.


On the yard:

  • It doesn’t matter if it’s raining jiz and razor blades – when the doors open you go outside.
  • Seagulls, pigeons, and ravens have no sympathy. But if you feed them they’ll usually sh!t on someone else.


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