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sexual deviant

February 19, 2008

so my wife gets up round about 5 am most mornings and i’m still unconscious, butterball naked, ass in the air, snoring contentedly.

usually she’s pretty chatty, especially if she thinks i might be half awake. At the very least i can hear her moving around, getting ready for work, using me as a table to lay her shirts out, etc . . .

this morning it was deathly quiet. so i asked her if she was okay. she didn’t quite hear me because the answer she gave didn’t really fit the question, so i asked again. she assured me she was and then asked why i was asking.

i told her i just wanted to make sure she was okay.

she kissed my bare ass and again assured me that everything was okay.

now sometimes that early in the morning i have to vocalize the obvious just to set it in my mind that it actually happened and that i’m not dreaming it, so i said out loud, you just kissed my ass.

my wife, thinking we were still on the previous conversation, said, what? i like your ass. that doesn’t mean i’m not okay.

i said, well, i already knew you were a sexual deviant.

she said, and yet you married me in spite of that.

are you kidding? i laughed, i married you because of that!

truth be told i don’t really acknowledge the concept of sexual *deviance*

i mean, honestly, what are you *deviating* from? is there a manual out there of accepted and proper sex? honestly, if you aren’t coloring outside of the lines just for the pure joy of scribbling with your crayons, something is wrong.

now that said, i’m a fairly conservative soul. i like what i like what i like what i like. my wife is much more adventurous and has always been more willing to experiment.

i used to have a saying: i’ll try anything twice. when people would ask me what i meant by that, i’d reply, just because you didn’t like it the first time doesn’t mean you don’t like it. it was a cool thing to say, but my wife called my bluff and pointed out that i don’t really live it.

and she’s right. usually if i even think i won’t like something i won’t even try it.

the saying fits her perfectly, however, and she has adopted it with glee.

i bring all this up as a preface to a post i promised to do in the comments of the post 69[ish] facts about my sexuality. point number 33 reads my first full penetration sex was anal. red, who occasionally indulges in anal sex with her husband, commented on it and i promised her a post on the matter and here we are.

now, you might not recognize me as such what with my open mind and all, but i am a christian. and in my youth i was much more recognizable as such.

so when i found myself with a nun’s morality riding my back and a girlfriend all to willing to get naked riding my bed, i had a conflict. now i was just out of my teens and male so there is no question how this all eventually turned out.

but it was a bloody rocky road getting there.

i wanted to have sex but i wanted to remain *pure* as was proper for a christian.

so, of course, i rationalized.

we would kiss. we would touch. we engaged in oral sex. each new step required a new rationalization. you lie to yourself and the lies are pathetic but you get what you want if you believe the lie so you tend to do just that no matter how stupid they are.

i’m not trying to be subtle here, i’m sure everyone can see the convoluted path my lies led me down and my biggest regret during that time was that i had been bogged down with all those inhibitions and the guilt that was sure to follow once nature took its course.

*le sigh*

on with the stupidity

eventually i had myself convinced that i could even engage in penetration so long as there was no movement and no one came [insert shame here] but that one was harder for my incredulous mind to swallow and i constantly hesitated.

it was one day while she was lying naked on my bed, ass up, tits to the pillows, with me (equally naked, if not quite as pretty) straddling her legs and massaging her back that my mind did a funny little backflip.

my girlfriend had a gorgeous back (her front wasn’t too shabby either, but her back was what i was presented with at the time) and i was hard as hell, cock nestled between her ass cheeks, hands running over her skin . . . when she starts pressing up against me.

and i, of course, start pressing back.

it didn’t take to long to begin to achieve penetration at the back door, nor did it take my uber-horny mind to convince me that if it wasn’t a pussy it wasn’t really *sex*

yeah, pathetic, i know. i take both solace and disgust in the knowledge that i’m not the first kid f*cked up by religion.

and we did it. no lube. not particularly gentle. but my gf, who just wanted to know i wanted her and to have sex with me and have me inside her some way, was very forgiving. hell, that’s not even the right word. accepting. she never made me feel like anything needed forgiving.

it wasn’t until much later that i realized (not that we didn’t talk about it at the time, but she really did downplay everything) that i had probably just hurt her.

in any case, it wasn’t long after that that my tricky little brain convinced me that i really had had sex and that there was no reason now that i wasn’t a virgin, not to go ahead and use the proper hole.

that was better for her – until afterwards when i would inevitably feel guilty and angry about it all.

but that’s another sad story for another sad time.

i still remember that first time. straddling her legs (which of course made her tighter than if i’d let her open them) sliding inside her, experiencing the unique pressure and release that is the epitome of great male orgasms, but more importantly finally physically entering and connecting with the woman i loved, marked me more surely than anything religion ever pounded through my thick skull.

i still have a fairly heavy ass fetish.

and i am still indulged from time to time.

mostly i know that patience and love can bring healing, and sex with someone you love can ease that healing along.

the question i get the most from my wife is, does it feel different. and it does. the pressure around the shaft during anal sex is more even and most women have greater control of those muscles than the ones up front because they’ve used them every day of their lives.

the next question, of course, is which do i prefer? but i hate answering that one because timing plays a huge roll in the answer. i love blow jobs, i love straight sex, i love anal sex, but i might be in the mood for one one day or another the next, and being *in the mood* for one NEVER means i’d turn down an offering of either of the others.

but it is the first way i ever penetrated a woman, and that adds a touch of nostalgia, a warmth and a comfort that takes me back to that first time. it answers a need in me that i don’t know why i have, but i have it. so while it’s not an everyday thing, i still thoroughly enjoy it.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Red permalink
    February 19, 2008 20:28

    Wow . Just wow.
    What a story . . loved the imagery, and the way you looped it all together.
    I think you may have found your “niche”, kind sir, with this site ..

  2. February 19, 2008 21:43

    wow. that kinda implies that up til now i was just a nicheless waste of space on the surface of the blogosphere. :mrgreen:

    you have no idea how unbelievably hard it is (no cock jokes please) for me to commit stuff like this to pixels.

    if i have produced raw over @ cats then this is visceral.

  3. February 19, 2008 23:35

    I love it, every word of it…

    You are so closed sexually, this is a wonderful way that you have opened up.

    Glad Red is here with us too… kinda like an internet threesome :mrgreen:

  4. February 19, 2008 23:38

    hrm . . . careful there, red has a man and that reads as foursome and i doubt you and i are even ready for three yet.

    but i’m glad you like the blog.

  5. Red permalink
    February 20, 2008 00:09

    that kinda implies that up til now i was just a nicheless waste of space on the surface of the blogosphere … Now, now now .. That’s not what i meant, but kinda sorta figgered you’d take it that way .. as I remember a conversation/post about your “niche” in the blogosphere. Im a fan of ALL your blogs .. Im just a tad more sexual and lean toward the sexual enhanced blogs.

    hehehe. . a 3some …. 😉

  6. February 20, 2008 02:48

    yeah, i knew what you were referencing.

    just giving you a hard time (again, no cock jokes please) :mrgreen:

  7. February 20, 2008 13:44

    what i really think is that i found *your* niche

    . . . hrm . . . that sounded dirtier than i meant it . . . 😳

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