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5 Things

November 25, 2007

5 things every woman should know about men

5. we can’t read your mind. we have many super powers, but that just isn’t one of them.

seriously. it isn’t.

i know you think we should just *know* but we don’t. if you think about it for a second you’ll probably be glad of that

4. we don’t want to hear about your exes. no, not even when you talk smack about them in a misguided attempt to reassure us that we are *teh best evar *

we know when it’s all over you are just going to talk smack about us to the next guy.

the male ego is a fragile thing

it’s best not to weigh us down with comparisons, favorable or otherwise

3. if you had a great sexual experience with some other guy that you would like to repeat with us – never, never, never tell us about it.

performance anxiety is not some cute little bogey-man who hides under the bed. it is very, very real.

in fact, it’s cock kryptonite.

do not invoke it.

2. if you think something is absolutely adorable and we seem to think so, too, don’t push for specifics. we’re lying to keep you happy. if you want to stay happy, let us keep lying to you.

we don’t really like your cat and we are frankly appalled that you still cherish your childhood collection of stuffed animals.

we put up with it because we secretly hope it will help us get laid.

1. yes, everything is about sex with us. everything except sleep and food. this is not a crime and it does not make us perverts. it is the nature of the beast. we pick our cars and our clothes and our attitudes all with an eye towards sex. oftentimes we fail miserably at this, but that is the impetus.

the first time we looked at you we wondered what you would look like naked and what it would be like to be with you. if we have gotten to see you naked and/or had sex with you we no longer have to wonder but we still think about it incessantly.

it’s what we do.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 25, 2007 06:03

    Fascinating. Sometimes your writing is sheer genius. Loved your answers – even if some of them made me nervous.

    I’m in – check my site later today! It’ll be on “A Curious State of Affairs.”

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  1. 5 things every man should know about women… « A Curious State of Affairs …

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