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r a n d o m R a m b l i n g s

October 5, 2007

an enemy cannot betray you

hurting you, making you take losses, that is an enemy’s job. therefore it is no betrayal when they do it.

lovers. now they can betray you.

i was once very good at this.

i didn’t mean to be good at it. i just was.

when you’re an @sshole some things just naturally shine through.

my wife has the most amazing eyes. deep as the earth and liquid as midnight. and when she smiles, when she smiles in love, those eyes shine with all the secrets of ancient primordial forests, deep and rich in life. merry with mischief.

when she gets sick they lighten to an almost golden amber

and when she’s hurting they become dark pools of liquid sorrow

and reproach.

i love my wife’s eyes. i always have. i’ve written poems about her eyes.

and i’ve made those eyes cry.

remembering her tears all those years in prison was always accompanied by a gut wrenching guilt in the pit, like i’d kicked a kitten or shaken a baby.

a memory of brutal betrayal

i get that lovers will hurt each other.

but i remember certain casual cruelties and feel ashamed.

that she loved me back then is amazing to me . . . that she could gain ten years of perspective and still allow me back in her life is something i still don’t understand

though i fight daily to be worthy of that trust

i dunno, maybe that sounds sappy.

but she is so worth every effort.

you’ve never heard the woman’s laughter

it calls to mind children at play

or maybe angels singing

(anyone who has heard the one will instantly recognize the other)

her touch is a prayer

her kisses could make the devil himself weep

i dunno, maybe every man feels this way about the woman he loves. if that is true then i have never loved. because i have never felt this way about any other woman before or since.

i love you, T

a lot of people read me and think i’m a great guy

you are one of the few who know what a bastard i can be . . . that you love me anyway is a gift i will always treasure.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. damewiggy permalink
    October 5, 2007 15:03

    many might see this as a testament as to how much you love her, but i’m feeling it as just how much her love has affected you. either way, it’s incredibly strong, and so positive and impressive to see two people compliment one another so well, and so deeply.

    and alas, i’m redundant … i just love you two together.

    well, not like i LOVE you two together, like as in sammiches or anything … but like …

    oh forget it!!

  2. October 5, 2007 23:01

    we are teh cheeeese on ur sammichez

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