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there oughta be a School

August 19, 2007

there really ought to be a school where young guys can go to learn about the pitfalls of life.

by which, of course, i mean the pitfalls of women

a safe haven where they can school themselves not to blink, not to react, and to immediately produce the correct (note, i said *correct* not *truthful*) answer to any given womanly question.

the class-list might look something like this ::

:mrgreen: does this make me look fat? 101 (basic womanisms and how to deal)

:mrgreen: i’m not pretty! (a seminar on how NOT to react)

:mrgreen: you don’t love me anymore! (99 phrases she’ll use to get her way)

:mrgreen: your mother (why comparative references always backfire)

:mrgreen: girlspeak 101 :: the repetition clause (learn the difference between a kiss and a kiss-kiss; between liking her and like-liking her)

:mrgreen: advanced girlspeak (or :: what she really means when she says *shopping*)

:mrgreen: lockpicking 101 (the seven standard styles of bra-clips)

:mrgreen: advanced lockpicking (covers the bodice and other goth-friendly renaissance wear)

:mrgreen: the secrets of osmosis (training the mind to remember what she said when you weren’t listening)

/

tip o’ the pen to the girl with the broken Pen for inspiring this erudite semi-scholastic blog-rant-thingy

:: reprinted from the Archives

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