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there oughta be a School

August 19, 2007

there really ought to be a school where young guys can go to learn about the pitfalls of life.

by which, of course, i mean the pitfalls of women

a safe haven where they can school themselves not to blink, not to react, and to immediately produce the correct (note, i said *correct* not *truthful*) answer to any given womanly question.

the class-list might look something like this ::

:mrgreen: does this make me look fat? 101 (basic womanisms and how to deal)

:mrgreen: i’m not pretty! (a seminar on how NOT to react)

:mrgreen: you don’t love me anymore! (99 phrases she’ll use to get her way)

:mrgreen: your mother (why comparative references always backfire)

:mrgreen: girlspeak 101 :: the repetition clause (learn the difference between a kiss and a kiss-kiss; between liking her and like-liking her)

:mrgreen: advanced girlspeak (or :: what she really means when she says *shopping*)

:mrgreen: lockpicking 101 (the seven standard styles of bra-clips)

:mrgreen: advanced lockpicking (covers the bodice and other goth-friendly renaissance wear)

:mrgreen: the secrets of osmosis (training the mind to remember what she said when you weren’t listening)


tip o’ the pen to the girl with the broken Pen for inspiring this erudite semi-scholastic blog-rant-thingy

:: reprinted from the Archives

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