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offended to Death

July 8, 2007

yesterday every little thing got to me.

even when i tried to laugh it out and take things in stride there was still a blackness in my heart creeping around; lashing out.

we took our daughter up to philly on friday for a second opinion from a specialist who is even more specialized than her surgeon here in dc.

he wants an mri and cat scan to get a clearer picture

because the x-ray he took shows degeneration in a part of her pelvis where there is supposed to be no cancer at all.

a ridge of bone being eaten away from the inside out in a line leading to the iliac lumbar joint where the spine connects to the cradle of the pelvis.

::

so yesterday, when all the little problems of life kept piling up, i found myself profoundly offended.

normally, thinking about my daughter’s cancer makes regular problems just peel away. it puts them in a perspective that makes them laughable. but for whatever reason, yesterday i just couldn’t laugh.

i thought about all we were going through with her and i was just . . . angry . . . that i had to deal with all this other petty sh*t.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. July 8, 2007 11:58

    I’m sorry – I wish there was something else I could say. I wouldn’t feel much like laughing either.

  2. July 8, 2007 12:46

    Don’t beat yourself up over it, the truth is, it sounds like you could do with a break from the petty sh*t… you’ve got enough on your plate as it is.

    If it’s anyone in particular that’s causing you to get angry, then shame on them.

  3. July 8, 2007 15:10

    ty both – and no, it’s no one in particular making me angry. just the randomness of life.

  4. July 8, 2007 16:41

    Like his crappy computer. I got a laugh yesterday hearing him cussing out this poor inanimate object.

    But I am glad he was able to take out his frustration safely, on something that won’t give him a raspberry when he is done.

  5. The 2 Witches permalink
    July 8, 2007 17:55

    {{{{{{ }}}}}

    I just wanted to post and leave support for you as well hun. I am keeping hopes and prayers going strong for yr daughter.

    Mama Kelly

  6. July 9, 2007 20:16

    ty

  7. July 12, 2007 07:24

    I’m so sorry – you’re going to make me cry this morning. I will be thinking of you and your family (as shallow as those words seem as I don’t know what else to say).

  8. July 12, 2007 09:03

    it is not knowing what to say, it is caring enough to say anything at all.

    i wish more people knew that.

    it is human nature to want to *fix* injustices . . . but sometimes the best we can pull off is just letting the other guy know he’s not alone in the world.

    so, thanks . . . both for having the thoughts and for saying so.

  9. July 12, 2007 20:24

    There really is nothing to say other than I wish for the best for her.

  10. July 12, 2007 21:44

    thanks

  11. July 14, 2007 11:30

    I read about your daughter on Aunty fracas’ blog. I know exactly what you mean about the petty things in life and not praying for things tht are already promised. I too have worried and wondered and prayed over sick children. We still do not know what the future holds for our girls. Your story brings a tear to my eye as I can relate to your pain. I will be thinking of you and your family. Stay strong for your little one, she needs you.

  12. Dierdra permalink
    July 16, 2007 14:42

    My ‘puter has been blowwed up, so this is news…
    A: DAMN
    B: All energy and prayers for Ambriel
    C: Go ‘head on and feel awful, you’re allowed, you and your wife. Just set a time limit on it, and have a good wallow.
    D: My email always open for bitchin’

    MMA,
    D

  13. July 16, 2007 19:33

    thanks D

    i think computers must be allergic to you. you are their kryptonite.

  14. Dierdra permalink
    July 17, 2007 18:16

    Not my fault!
    My husband is an engineer, a computer engineer, and he won’t leave them alooooooone! Plus, it’s time for our annual summerfest of afternoon thunder and lightning, and I’m right at a power-line nexus. We’ve also fried 3 bigscreen TVs and several microwaves, so I totally refuse blame on the going bloooooey part. Hrumph.
    You guys holding up all right?
    Is there anything I can do?
    MMA,
    D

  15. July 17, 2007 21:09

    we’re fine for the moment.

    i stand by my statement. obviously you attract disastrous surges of electricity that foul up your puters 😉

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  1. Please give hugs to Ambriel « fracas

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