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i tell the Truth

June 28, 2007

i tell the truth

and people laugh

not because what i said was funny

(usually it’s not)

but because they believe i am joking

(usually i’m not)

they would not laugh if they knew i was telling the truth.


these people think i have a weird sense of humor

i do not

i have a weird life


sometimes they don’t really laugh

sometimes they think i’m being sarcastic

and they give me that fake har-har laugh

that is not laughed at all, but merely spoken,

and walk away

or they just walk away

thinking i’m weird

i am

but that doesn’t change the truth of what i tell you


so fair warning

if you come ’round looking for bob

and i tell you i’ve punched bob in the throat and he’s coughing up blood in the alleyway

it’s okay to laugh

but bob probably still needs medical attention

6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 29, 2007 02:19

    I like this. I like this a lot. I probably shouldn’t because there is a funny and yet slightly aggressive undertone to it. But I laughed out loud (a slightly embarrassed that I think it’s funny laugh!) It sound best when read out loud – I tried it.

    I read it out loud to a visiting friend – he said, that’s a bit pseudo intellectual isn’t it?

    I said, No – it’s just witty and funny.

    He looked puzzled.

    I guess it’s in the ears of the beholder. You should write some more – it’s unique.

  2. June 29, 2007 08:00

    wouldn’t that be *ears of the behearer?*

    yeah, considering the point of this post i wish i had a way to track who laughed at it . . . especially the nervous laughter

    your friend sounds like the guy who assumes sarcasm and walks away without acknowledging it as such (in this case calling it a pseudo-intellectual exercise)

    my reactions to this kind of truth breakdown roughly as follows ::

    less than 1% would go down the alley to check on bob
    less than 5% would take what i said at face value and just leave bob to his fate
    less than 20% would take it as bad sarcasm and only 1/4 of those would be amused
    30% ish would take it as a joke and laugh outright
    with the bulky remainder offering up nervous laughter, not believing you because there are some things you just don’t DO (like calmly telling someone you’ve caved in a man’s throat) so it MUST be a joke even if it’s not very funny.

    these aren’t exact figures, of course, but i do it enough to be able to form a rough estimate

    a milder example would be this one time in prison when one of the guards was doing random checks on our lockers in the art room (this was the last camp i was on, relatively low security).

    i was making fun of him because he wasn’t finding anything in the lockers he was checking and getting frustrated.

    so finally he rounds on me and says :: yeah, what would i find in your locker, inmate?

    i said :: i’ve got a bottle of windex, two carving knives, and a small can of glass shards. (all contraband, of course)

    he glared at me and stomped out of the room, thinking i was setting him up to look stupid.

    i had all those items in my locker.

    the truth, when it will not be believed, is better than any lie you can tell.

  3. June 29, 2007 08:03

    BTW-when i say *carving knives* i mean wood chisels, not meat carving knives

  4. June 29, 2007 11:15

    Yep – I like that: ears of the behearer! LOL!

    I like to hear about your prison experiences because it is a side of life I will (hopefully) never see. I expect this makes me well and truly a voyeur – but hey – all bloggers who read other blogs are voyeurs of a kind! So mea culpa.

    Re prison – none of us should ever be complacent – I do believe that anyone can commit a crime if they are desperate enough – I can think of several circumstances where I would definately commit a crime myself as a desperate measure! Now that would make an interesting catNmouse question wouldn’t it? “In what circumstances would you commit a crime?” Ahhh! But would people tell the truth?

    Re Bob – I was trying to work out which category I’d fall into – I would definately laugh – a proper laugh not a har har (so in the 30%) – BUT now you’ve said what you’ve said, I’d nip up the alley to check Bob was breathing then call the ambulance from my mobile phone (in the 1%) then I’d help you make a quick getaway (because if you’d done for somebody they would probably have deserved it!!!) Like I said, some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them – I’m a pacifist who abhores violence (but would even commit violence in some circumstances, as a desperate measure.)

    I also admit to telling the truth sometimes (in a tricky situation) and not being believed (which at the time can be very handy!) Equivocation is much more dishonest (but I do that sometimes too!)

    Blimey, this feels like a Friday confession and I’m not even Catholic!

    Mostly I’m open and honest though.

  5. June 29, 2007 14:12

    you know you can instigate a c a t & m o u s e if you get the urge. you don’t have to wait for me to come up with questions.

  6. June 29, 2007 15:38

    Hmmmmm…. that’s quite an honour – so I’ll have a go!

    I’d like to do a catNmouse mini :: Truth, Dare and Honesty.

    It will appear on: Life in the Slow Lane – on Monday (guest presented by me)

    Har har! (nervous laughter!)

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