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the gay Response

April 19, 2007

so i’ve talked before about which gender is going to be more likely to turn down sex . . .

. . . but what happens when the guy turns it down?

forgive me for embracing the stereotype, but this rare happening sometimes confuses women.

and a rare few of those confused women react in a defensive manner, replying to the refusal with the following question ::

what? are you gay or something ?

a show of hands from all the poor bastards guys ever caught flatfooted by that one?

wow. that many of you . . .

well, never fear . . . we’re not just here to chat about an unpleasant situation.

we are here to offer solutions.

. . . so, with no further ado

handy responses to the scathing *are you gay?* question ::

for all the fat guys (aka-the drew carey response) :: “do i look like i’m in that kind shape?”

for the honest hetero :: “i don’t know, but a lifelong lack of interest leads me to doubt it.”

for the gay guy :: “yes, yes i am, dahling”

for the thinker :: “erm, so were you born a b*tch? or have you been practicing?

for the repulsive romantic :: “if i am, i don’t know what that says about you, because i find you incredibly attractive.”

for the guy who doesn’t want to see this chick again :: “barn animals, actually”

for the dude who wants her to know just what a b*tch she is for asking that question :: “are you really so conceited that you think only a gay man wouldn’t want to have sex with you?”

for the smart alec :: “have you ever known a gay man to turn down sex?”

for the sleaze :: (with a shrug) “take your clothes off, lets see what it does for me”

for the tailpipe :: “no, but you’ve got me considering it

for the total bastard :: trust me, i don’t have to be gay to not want to sleep with you”

for the guy the total bastard looks up to ::no. now, what the hell is that smell coming up from under your skirt?”

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