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mormons on my Doorstep

March 6, 2007

[cue creepy little girl] they’re baaaaaaaaack

okay, so i’m clattering away on my computer minding my own business (okay, well, it’s *teh interweb* so i had my nose in lots of people’s business) when i hear an odd brittle rap on my screen door.

so i go to the window and peek out. sure enough, two bright shining lads in crisp pants and close cropped hair were waiting on my stoop.

so i open the door. a glance at their non-descript black ski-jackets confirmed my guess. elder somebody or other on a permanent tag. i open the storm door and invite them in, “hey, guys, c’mon in” just like we were old friends.

they stare at me.

i invite again. “seriously guys, it’s way too cold out here. c’mon in.”

stammering and confused they nevertheless acknowlege that 12 degrees is not the ideal setting for religious dialogue and enter my domicile.

i invite them to take a seat on the couch and offer them something to drink. this further confuses them, but the elder (elder in mormon missionary terms usually means 19-21 yrs old) has the presence of mind to ask for water and the younger follows suit.

i leave them alone in my living room to go get their water.

when i return they are still standing, admiring a bit of cross stitching of my wife’s. only after i have handed them their water and sat down myself do they feel comfortable enough to follow suit.

now, i must say it was not my intent to make them uncomfortable, but i won’t deny i had fun with it. typically mormon missionaries are forced to stand on the porch to make their pitch if the door isn’t closed in their face right off. and because of this it is kind of an unofficial *wisdom* among them that once they get you to invite them in they’ve all but got you baptized.

the good baptists of bethlehemBaptist dunked me as a kid.

i have so far evaded being immersed by mormons, though i have had mormon missionaries in my home on several occasions.

long and short we discussed what they wanted to discuss. we went into details, we broke things down to their smallest components, and of course, came to the same impasse we always come to. at which point they decided to cut their losses on the afternoon and bid me good day, but they encouraged me to continue studying, and to keep asking questions.

so i asked one more question ::

why does god keep sending me mormons?

they didn’t have an answer for that per se, but it did seem to make them happier.

*le sigh*

i predict that this will not be the last time mormon missionaries darken my door. hell, at this point i wouldn’t be surprised if the local stake had a pool going on how long it will take to convert me.


i wonder if i can get in on that pool

17 Comments leave one →
  1. March 6, 2007 16:46

    i always get jehova witness folks at my door.. It’d be nice to have a mormon for a change, I can probably agree with them on polygamy ๐Ÿ˜›

  2. March 6, 2007 17:01

    could have been worse, they could have been trying to sell you a vaccum, stead knives or perhaps life insurance. . . .

  3. March 6, 2007 17:55

    @ joey
    actually i could use all three. 8)

    @ habibak
    as to the JW i have to agree i’d rather be talking to a mormon. at least their beliefs are consistent with their book(s)…though i doubt you’ll find many pro-poly mormons beating down your door.

  4. March 7, 2007 00:04

    let me also add that i did not object to this visit. i remain unconvinced of a few key points of mormon doctrine, but i admire the way these men live their faith.

  5. Crystal permalink
    March 7, 2007 03:57

    Hey, I know a pool you can get into… but you have to be wearing white.

    Thank you. I’ll be here all week. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. March 7, 2007 10:45

    somehow i think that joke would go over better if it was a girl jumping into the pool. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. Crystal permalink
    March 7, 2007 12:53

    Oh, I thought it only worked if you were jumping in the pool…

    ::wonders if you get the joke::

    ::wanders away::

  8. March 7, 2007 18:57

    perhaps i don’t get it. i’m an old fuddy duddy. all these newfangled tricky tricks you hip youngsters come up with are beyond my ken.

    and probablly my barbie too.

  9. March 7, 2007 20:30

    I have to admit — I generally say something along the lines of “Thank you but Im happy in the faith of my choosing” and close the door.

    Mama Kelly

  10. March 7, 2007 20:45

    Pool = Baptismal Font
    White = color of baptismal clothes

  11. March 7, 2007 20:52

    That was my thought….

    My husband was just thinking of naked girls with white robes on…he is a pervert that way :p

  12. Crystal permalink
    March 7, 2007 21:05

    Oh, the scandal! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Thanks Ray.

  13. March 8, 2007 01:12

    @Ray, Crystal, & SkyWindows
    my wife is not quite right. i was simply thinking of wet t-shirts, and quite honestly she is the one that got me thinking of them with this post ::

    baptismal pools and white robes, though perhaps the obvious notion in light of my post, were the furthest things from my mind by the time crystal posted her comment.

    i really just can’t resist a good religious discussion, and will converse with folk of most any faith to get my fix.

    i’ve made a lot of good friends that way

    and a sullen enemy or two.

  14. March 8, 2007 11:42


    you are in denial

    you are a pervert and a dirty old man

  15. March 8, 2007 11:42

    But I wouldn’t want you any other way =)

  16. March 8, 2007 13:13

    hey! i resent that! i have NEVER denied being a pervert OR a dirty old man!!!


  1. mormons on my Doorstep (reprinted) « TSARD

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