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the caveman Cometh

March 2, 2007

i have a long commute. it inspires thinking. mostly because there is nothing else to do.

well, okay, driving and watching the road, but i mean nothing important.

so tonight i start thinking about my job and my career and how most people define themselves by what they do rather than by what they are. since that chapter in my life comes to an end this sunday, i started trying to come up with a definition for me apart from what i do. words that prioritize who i am.

here’s what i came up with once i pared away the foolishness that tends to crop up when i think alone with no one there to tell me i’ve had one think too many ::







. . .

there was more, but that’s the top six, in order of importance.

in this day and age we have developed a *kids first* approach to family, but i’ve never been able to embrace it. my mother nearly destroyed her second marriage following that recipe. the fact that she managed to turn her thinking around and salvage things puts her among the elite, not the norm.

thanks to her example, i am more of a mind to love my children’s mother and put her first.

and in doing so give them a solid example of what a marriage is all about. that is not to say i neglect my kids, but they do know who is first in my heart.

and they know their own place in my heart.


*man* is another throwback on my list.

gender identity is all but a no-no in this day and age, a cavemanism if you will. archaic, outmoded, obsolete.

but i am still unashamedly into it.

i am a man :: my inner child is terrified of me and my feminine side wears a strap-on.

i shave most of my face, but my chest and back stay hairy.

i hold doors for women even when they don’t want me to.

and yeah, i’d have drowned with that fool leo di caprio if i’d been on the titanic.


from there the list drifts more to things i do than things i am.

nevertheless, those three are so ingrained in me that i don’t much separate myself from the act because i put everything i have into my art, my writing, and my cooking.

that is not to say i am always a delicious success, but i give it my all. 

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